Message and Fellowship: Love Languages

Friday 6/29
7:30-9:30pm
ACC Portable

Post-Fellowship: Winston's House

The Five Love Languages

Pastor Gaylord

There’s also “The Five Love Languages for Singles”!

My Big Fat Greek Wedding clip

-aunt shows the boyfriend love through food – but he’s a vegetarian.. so she decides to cook him lamb

If you don’t understand someone’s love language, they may not be able to experience your love.

Without love, life can become exceedingly bleak.

Most singles understand more about computers than about love because they’ve spent more time studying computers. (paraphrased quotation from The Five Love Languages for Singles by Gary Chapman)

I John 4:7-11

Let us love one another, love is from God… God is love… sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins… (people see God through us).

We all have a mother tongue.

Can learn different dialects of Chinese – saying something in one dialect can be misinterpreted in another dialect. Can’t be understood.

Nice in a foreign country to hear someone speaking your mother tongue.

The main point isn’t to figure out our own love language so people can love us better. We need to figure out how to love others.

Our families’ way of loving (or not loving) has shaped us immensely – but by God’s grace, we can still grow in this area.

The Five Love Languages

- Words of Affirmation (appreciation, encouragement, call attention to progress, acknowledge person’s perspective, may seem like just a passing statement to you, can help person overcome insecurities)

- Gifts (doesn’t have to be expensive/bought/regular, challenging for some who like to save money, e.g. this is Tina’s dad’s love language)

- Acts of Service (done out of love not obligation, Jesus washing disciples’ feet, e.g. PG’s mom came to help after Silas’ birth but misinterpreted, communication was needed to clarify)

- Quality Time (more than mere proximity, focus all energy on friend/spouse, e.g. this is Tina’s love language, she likes word games so PG can show love by playing Text Twist with her)

- Physical Touch (Peylin’s favorite! :P, important to show love/appreciation in Bolivia, just because you didn’t grow up with affectionate parents it doesn’t mean you don’t yearn for it now – or don’t need it now, there are appropriate ways of showing this form of love with guys/girls)

-many dialects of each of these

Even if these don’t come naturally, you can learn – need to be intentional about learning and putting them into practice.

Discovering Your Primary Love Language (75% of people give love the same way they receive it)

- Observe your own behavior (what do you say to people, what do you do naturally, ask someone else to observe)

- Observe what you request of others (“I haven’t had a good hug in 2 weeks”, “They always criticize me. I wish they would just acknowledge something I did right”, “I have this project – can you help me with it?”)

- Listen to your complaints (what gets you really upset, similar to above)

If you want to see change happen for people, love them in their language.

Friendships either grow or decline – to strengthen your friendship, apply these love languages.

Singles in service.

To figure out your ministry, what is your natural way of receiving love? Use it in service. If your love language is quality time, figure out how you can spend quality time with people around you. Ask God to show you people’s love languages so you can be Christ to them – like co-workers. Speak love to special friends – single moms, special needs children, etc.

Don’t force your love language on someone else. Take the time to figure out their language.

Questions/Comments

Andy: It helps to know how others communicate love even if it’s not your primary mode – so that way you can mentally understand and appreciate it.

Wei: Question/clarification about singles in service. (Sorry, I didn’t get the answer :P)

Peylin: Blessing in the workplace. How can you tell what your co-workers’ love languages are? Pray, ask God to show you. Observe their actions in meetings, their responses to the boss’ words, how they step up to help.

Cornerstoners’ Love Languages :)

Words of Affirmation (for these people, it may be tough to hear words of criticism)

Eddie C

Andy L

Marilyn L

Faya P

Pastor Gaylord

Quality Time

Chris W

Tim K

Judith C

Sharon T

Priscilla H

Peylin F

Geoff P

Fred H

Winston W

Acts of Service

Moses C

Johnson C

Physical Touch

Ricky T

Wei L

Volunteering with the Group-Formerly-Known-As-Peylin's!

Saturday 6/23
Meet at church at 9:30am
(main parking lot by Morrison, Taylor gym, Portable)

Message and Fellowship: Support System

Friday 6/15
7:30-9:30pm
Ricky and Sharon's House
12517 Sir Christophers Cove

Support Systems - A Healing Community
June 15, 2007

in the mid-19th century, the world "individualism" didn't even exist (The Connecting Church)

1. Why do we need a support system?

Hillary Clinton - it takes a village

BRAINSTORM
-to provide accountability
-in case we fall or have hard times (encourage)
-to provide different perspectives, shared experiences
-take care of menial tasks (provide meal, etc so someone can focus on more important)
-handhold through the fog

Band of Brothers - interviews with actual men
-when the fighting was the worst, it was the guy next to him in the hole who helped him make the sacrifice, take that chance - his brothers, would give his life so they would live
-something about being involved in a crisis, have to rely on the people around you

Examples of people in the Bible who stood by one another during the hard times, during the fearful times, during times of uncertainty. But also through times of victory and exultation.

BRAINSTORM
-David and Jonathan
-Moses and Aaron (Moses had to keep arms up in order for the Israelites to win the battle, Aaron had to help him-Exodus 17:8-15; both Moses and Aaron had to go together to talk with Pharaoh, Aaron provided stability and comfort)


2. What does it look like?

We all have an instinctive, visceral understanding of what a support system looks like.

-created for community, people to love and love us in return

Matthew 7:12 "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."

-there are certain things we desire in our friendships, our friends desire the same thing from us
-have to unlearn certain things about how to have healthy friendships

What are you looking for when you are in need?

BRAINSTORM
-to be listened to
-a massage (Sean :P)
-someone to help with the little things (like food)
-to be understood (try to understand), not playing devil's advocate, to be your ally (there's a time for speaking truth.. but maybe later)
-someone genuine who truly wants to be there, not rushed; not because they have to
-like Job's friends, there for him, dust on heads
-trust, lack of judgment, know you won't be thought of differently, won't tell someone else, safe
-will carry that burden for you for a while, come alongside for a time, share burden

Andy's Brainstorms:
- listens
- understands (or tries to)
- doesn't judge (unlike Job's friends)
- can offer healing (in many different forms, come away refreshed)
- someone to pray with you
- points you to our Hope
- gives perspective
- loves you, accepts you, won't turn on you


3. How does it happen:

How to develop a support system?
develop = grows over time

BRAINSTORM
-find people you can trust (hard to build, easy to trust)
-find people with similar occupation, life stage, experience - easier to empathize
-have to sacrifice, become vulnerable, leap of faith (goes hand in hand with trust)
-develop closer relationship, can't just stay at surface level, won't dump on someone you don't know, don't have a deeper relationship with; be intentional, take time, be flexible, be willing to experience things with people
-be approachable (drop the shield, force field), be available
-leaders model more public vulnerability
-be willing to ask for help

Andy's Brainstorms
- not avoid crisis or pain (hard to feel need for this kind of support system until in a time of crisis, crisis draws people together; used to think life was meant to be without hardships; now believes that pain is inevitable, draws us closer to God and to each other; Andy's sharing about personal crisis, able to build deep friendships with Wed night prayer meeting)
- willingness to be vulnerable
- acknowledge your brokenness & sinfulness
- willingness to give as well as receive (understand it's a 2-way street; like Walton who came 2x/week to be with, pray with Andy)
- be involved with people (don't know you need them until you really do)
- takes steps to deepen your relationships


How to be a part of one?

BRAINSTORM
-know what your gifts are and actively try to bless people with them; know "gifts" of experience, give out of them
-showing up, being there, 100% success requires showing up
-join an already established group, or form your own - group of similar needs; be vulnerable about your experiences, pains

Andy's Brainstorms
- love, love, love (only way for a person to move out of themselves and really touch another person's life)
- no ulterior motives (do we really love people w/ no strings attached?)
- get to know each other (how do you know what to say, when to you know to say it - no secret, no formula; won't know w/ blank slate, no context; with context, relationship plus Spirit's leading, will know; won't always say the right thing - but will know it's grounded in love)
- be a part of one another's lives
- volunteer your life (took a lot of guts for P-Walton to ask if Andy would get together; Andy could've said no)
- take the initiative (e.g. Pastor Walton)
- work on personal wholeness (two ticks and no dog- don't want to suck the life out of each other, no life source -> co-dependent; our "dog" is God, our life source; else just spiral down together)


**Are we available to love and make a difference?

Community, Fellowship = place to make a difference

- to heal the broken
- to bring hope to the hopeless
- to show grace to those in need

have to want to love


Discussion Questions:
Do you have a support system? If so, who comprises that group?

What do you struggle with the most in developing that community?

How can you improve in being a part of that community for someone else?

Worship/Prayer with Moses' Small Group!

Friday 6/8
7:30-9:30pm
ACC, Carey Building (Lighthouse)

Message and Fellowship: Career

Friday 6/1
7:30-9:30pm
ACC Portable

Post-Fellowship: Andy and Maril's, 7901 Osborne

Notes: Career (part-Andy, part-Maril)

God doesn’t reveal the whole map, just one step at a time

God started leading Walton one step at a time to Missions

How does God want us to think about our work?

How do I begin to intentionally and practically honor God?

What do you think of when you hear the word “work”?

- the curse, ew, tough, keeps from doing what I want to do, stress, money, pays bills, mowing the lawn, blessing, labor, toil, pain, hard, busy, pressure, lay-offs

What do you think is the opposite of work?

- Play, rest, life, vacation, leisure, freedom

Myths about work:

- God is not interested

- Work is just a means to get money

- It’s not as spiritual as other jobs

- It’s just a curse

Genesis 2: work was given to Adam before the curse

The curse: work will be much harder

Work can be a real blessing

How does God look at work?

Joseph has sequence to what he eats: saves good for last

We look at work that way.. just to keep us from doing the things we want to do

Ordained by God:

- Not a curse in itself

- Part of God’s plan for provision

- A sense of God’s calling

- Has great opportunities (for spiritual growth, to serve people, to worship and honor God, etc.)

- Intended as a blessing (not everyone can work)

6 Realities towards Integration

“Fourth ????” book

Most people have fragmented lives

Different friends, different behavior, different words, etc.

Mostly because it’s easier to fit in

Fragmentation can cause a lot of stress b/c we are not able to be who we are – we have to worry about what crowd we’re in

Not able to be unified, consistent person

Fragmented priorities

1,2,3^rd priorities are God and everything else gets woven in

1. Devotion – not about what we do, but why we do it; so important because without it we’ll be susceptible to the distractions of the world (1 John – if you love God, you’ll obey Him); we go to Him because we need Him; because we want to see and hear Him in our lives; need to look past the artificial priorities we’ve set up; overscheduling can often become the enemy of God’s leading; listen for the opportunities God puts in our lives

2. Calling – reminds us there’s something bigger than just living out our lives, getting our paycheck; why do you do what you do in your job today? – perspective determines purpose in our lives (teacher getting paycheck v. teacher helping kids), best to see it from God’s point of view; calling gives a job its spiritual power; whatever job you do, if this is where God has led you, that makes it holy – do I feel a sense of calling with where I am?; Bob Chin’s calling to work with Asian-Americans in Austin helps him adapt his career to follow this leading (staying in Austin, etc); 40-50 hours/168 hours per week is a big chunk of time; might feel too young to think about purpose in life, but it’s never too late – you never know how much time you have left; work isn’t just a means to source your life until you find that great purpose; need to ask God to show us what he wants us to do, what kind of work – have to put all the chips out on the table, can’t hold anything back (e.g. as long as I can live in Texas) – distorts the communication between God and us – needs to be “whatever You ask”, “where You might take me”; often think God will make us do scary things if we lay it all out – but God merged Walton’s passions and skills to allow him to do great things; calling may change with season in life – continue to live with God in the present so He can lead you

3. Integrity

- Do the right thing, not cutting corners

- Ex. Merck – distributed drugs to poor who weren’t able to pay for it b/c the founder stressed the importance of helping the people v. profits

4. Stewardship

- all money on loan from God, who loves me so much

- easy to become self-centered and proud, spend MY money on things that I want

5. Rest

- not the opposite of work, but part of the rhythm of our work (God worked 6 days, rested on 7^th – made in image of God, He set an example for us)

- Sabbath made for man, not man for the Sabbath

- As a fellowship, how can we encourage each other to enjoy the Sabbath and rest?

6. Growing Influence

- need to appropriately define boundaries of evangelism at work, some use relational evangelism as an excuse – don’t take the necessary steps to share God

- need to be intentional – not to step over the line – but to at least go up to that line

- e.g. Joe wants to start up Life Journal Bible study at his school, Walton needs to be willing to ask if that’s OK, what the boundaries are

Balancing Time – build in margins

- allow you to see God work in your lives, and respond

- plan time for yourself, leave time in the margins so people will feel free to talk with you, ask you to do things with them; if others feel you’re too busy, won’t be able to fit them in, maybe you are; leave room to be spontaneous

Andy’s q: Do I need a specific calling to what I’m specifically doing?

Walton’s background coding as an engineer allows him to connect with people in his neighborhood now

Geoff’s experience in Japan with missionaries – the missionaries had to do lots of stuff that wasn’t directly spiritual (cleaning the church, etc); they built relationships through those menial things

Edison’s q: Does God want us to be passionate about what we’re doing work-wise?

Some people are just trying to survive

Need to see the overall purpose of why I’m doing this; else large chunk of your life is disassociated from serving God

Do all for the Lord

Break for Memorial Day Weekend

Enjoy the time off Friday and Saturday... BUT come help serve lunch on Sunday with the rest of the English congregation! :)

Sunday 5/27
12:00pm noon
ACC, Morrison Kitchen

Thanks!!

Message and Fellowship: Interview with Bono

Friday 5/18
7:30-9:30pm
ACC Portable

Volunteering with Winston's Small Group!

Capital Area Food Bank Sort-a-thon with "Stamp Out Hunger"
Saturday, 5/12
Meet at 3pm, ACC Portable
(Volunteer 4-7pm)

Find pictures at http://public.fotki.com/andyedlee/2007/cornerstone/capital-area-food-bank/

Message and Fellowship: Vulnerability in Friendships

Friday 5/4
7:30-9:30pm (by Dan Davis - ACC, Wycliffe Portable)
10:00-11:30pm Hang-out at Alex's House

Geoff's Notes (with Marilyn's notes sprinkled in :P):

• "Character is formed in community and tested in isolation"
• We think that it is when we are with others that our character is tested, but it's when we are in private that we think that we are not accountable
• Character is formed by how we relate to others. Our friends, the people who can push our buttons
• "I don't believe in accountability"
• Christianity is a message of grace, grace is the essence of Christianity; legalism is antithetical to that
  
• Has friends who have extracted rules for being a Christian, and "accountability" is asking "have you done your quiet time?" "have you prayed today?", etc.
• An environment of grace is a place where you feel safe to tell the truth about yourself, that you won't be rejected. Character is best formed in an environment of grace, in the context of community, not legalism
  
• Obviously "accountability" is not fostering this kind of environment - make your accountability grace-filled
  
• I won't feel safe to share about myself until I trust you, and I won't trust you until I understand that you love me. Until then, I'll keep things hidden. Unconfessed sin has power over my life - so I need a place where I feel safe (this should be in the context of Christian community). Jesus tells us to love everyone - but we're afraid to (i.e. we're afraid to do what Jesus has commanded us to do).
• Cornerstone is not a "safe" place for Dan Davis, because he doesn't know us. He doesn't know what hurts older people have caused us, what distrust of authority figures we have, etc.
• The word "love" is overloaded in English. "I love you" has too many connotations, particularly romantic, so it's hard for us [Christians] to talk about love, which we should be able to talk about.
  
• Call for reactions:
• Ricky: what about rebuke?
• If you rebuke me, I should know that you love me. (If you're going to rebuke me, I better know you love me.) If you're "Quick Draw McGraw" comin' in and rebukin' people, someone needs to rebuke you.
• We cannot judge people, that is, determine their motives for them. But we can be fruit inspectors. (i.e. we can discern what we see)
  
• His ministry to pastors is successful because pastors have decided that they can trust him.
• There's no safe place for pastors to confess sin. (What would you think if your pastor confessed to, say, adultery or lust?)
• Can't really go to other pastors, because pastors are sort of spiritually competitive
• Do you have a safe place?
• Where there's a history of sharing, being loved. Character is developed where you feel safe.
  
• You should not be vulnerable to anyone. You should only be vulnerable where you feel safe.
• Difference between vulnerable and transparent:
• Transparency: I'll let you look at the inside of my life
• Vulnerability: Not only will I let you look at the inside, but will trust you to lead me to a better place
• Ex: My wife and I will be celebrating our 50 year wedding anniversary. ... My wife and I have been very happily married for 44 years. [Implication was that 6 years were not so good!] This is transparency.
• Example from his marriage of a huge fight. His wife drove off, really angry, and he thought that she had gone to talk to her parents about the fight (they lived 5 miles away). Instead, she drove up and down the Pacific coast, asking God how she could hate someone she loved so much, because she had made a commitment not to ever expose him to others. This formed the basis of deep trust in their marriage.
• Fred: Can men and women be vulnerable to each other?
• 1 Cor 13 is how we should relate to each other, both single gender and cross gender.
• Andy: Is it realistic to expect this kind of a trusting relationship with many people?
• Limits the pastors' covenant groups to 8 or 9 people because the dynamics change substantially as each person is added.
• But sharing something like addiction to pornography is not the best place. Not because of lack of confidentiality, ability to help, etc., but because it is so intense that it is best done with just one other person.
• That person should be someone you trust to share painful things, trust, and someone who will lovingly not let you run away.
• Alex: What about David, whose friends wanted to stone him after people raided their wives and family?
• Yes, God, is very loving. But the idea that we can just make it with God and ourselves is not what God intended - He wants us to build a family, a community of believers.
  
• Sharon: How can we be a safe place for others?
• You have to earn it. You have to have a long-term track record of loving others. It takes time to develop.
• A safe place is not just a place where you can tell people the truth about the bad things about ourselves, but a place where we also tell the truth about the good things about each other. (This is another way you earn it)
• Be faithful, true to friendships
  

Message and Fellowship: Finances

Friday 4/23
7:30-9:30pm
ACC, Carey Bldg (Lighthouse)


Geoff's Notes (Talk by Sabrina Chan)

• Intro: how we view money reveals how we view God
• Witnesses for God
• Verbal witnesses: telling people about God
• Presence: how we live life is what gives us credibility about what we talk about
• Stewardship: money, time, stuff, skills/talents, relationships
• A lot of the how the world works seems to be like The Sims (computer game)
• In the Sims, you work to get money to build a bigger house (which requires more money, etc.) and for free time so that you can have fun, hang out with friends, etc.
• Our culture makes talking about how you use money taboo. Jesus talks about money more than anything else, with about a 2:1 ratio.
• He says a financial audit is a good spiritual audit. ("Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also")
• Sabrina gave a brief overview of her finances in 2004.
• Money can be used as means of attaining security, self-worth, happiness, etc.
• Our needs (food, shelter, clothes, etc.) stay about the same amount, but our wants can grow exponentially.
• Once you have the DVD player you want, then you want a bigger TV to play the DVDs on. Then you want a nicer couch to sit on. etc.
• Luke 12:16-21: How do we know when we are storing up treasures for ourselves instead of in heaven?
• Geoff: If we never have enough of it? If it would be a problem if it were taken away?
• Alex: Does it have eternal value?
• Jesus talks about money in the days when most people didn't have any money. Maslows' hierarchy hadn't been invented yet.
• 1 Timothy 6:6-10, 17-19
• It's easy for us to the people wanting to be rich (and possibly wandering from the faith and piercing ourselves with many griefs)
• Passage also commands us those who are rich to be generous. Even if we don't make much, we are rich: we have a car, DVD player, etc.
• Budgeting
• A budget is just a plan. Like a plan for going to the gym--often we won't do stuff if we don't have a plan--just make excuses.
• We budget our time; why not our money?
• [In fact, we should probably budget all our resources: money, time, stuff, skills, relationships, etc.
• 80-10-10: 80% for taxes and expenses, 10% tithe, 10% savings. As you make more, lower the 80% and raise the 10%s
• Budgeting can be freeing: make a "fun money" category. Then you don't feel bad if you spend money on something frivolous.
• Having a plan allows for margin in order to give to others
• Ex. Sabrina's stereo died. Set aside $300 for a new one because she loves music, but there was an earthquake in India. Since they didn't have houses (let alone stereos), she gave her $300 stereo fund. (Later, a friend got a new stereo and gave her the old one). Since she had budgeted, she had the money.
• Ex. Staff worker's car died. Asked a friend if he could help. He had been setting aside money for when his car died, but his car was doing fine, so he gave $2k out of the fund.
• Sabrina sees it as a fun challenge to see if she can increase the amount that she gives every year.
• Rick Warren gives away 90% of his income
• Rich Mullins set up a board which just paid him a teacher's salary and gave the rest to the Indian reservations he worked with.
• How do you want to answer God when He asks what you did with the money He gave you
• Stuff has power over us (worry about the house burning down, oil changes, etc.). One way to reduce its power over us is to let people borrow your stuff.
• Discussion
• What is the biblical basis for saving?
• Being wise about what God is doing (ants [Proverbs], squirrels)
• Save as much as you give (up to a limit)
• Sabrina found it easier to give when she was making less. She knew that she'd never have a house on the river, so in some sense, who cares?
• Andy: 1 Tim 5:8. Need to be able to provide for your family
• Alex: What are you saving for? If you're saving just so you don't have to work, maybe that's not the right motive.
• Geoff: Might want to save in order to not work at a company and work doing something that does not provide much (if any) income
• Regarding finding self-worth in money
• Once you're out of school, your salary is a quantitative way of how much people value you.
• Reveals society's values: network engineers make a lot more than campus staff, but God does not necessarily value things that way.
• Regarding when do you know when you are storing up for yourself or for God
• It really comes down to attitude. You can't just say I'm giving x% so I'm doing well. It could be that we're simply achieving a goal.

Food Social with Troy's SG!

Friday 4/20
7:30pm

@ The Main Event
13301 Hwy 183
Austin, TX 78750

Call Ferdi for any questions- 512.788.5080

(On Sunday 4/22, it's the English congregation's turn to stack chairs in Taylor - just a reminder!)

Lots of Things again :)

Friday 4/13, 7:30pm
Message and Fellowship (In the World, Not of It - Faya Peng)
Pre-Fellowship Dinner, 6:00-7:15pm: Moe's (off of Parmer/I-35)
Post-Fellowship Hangout, 10pm: Moses' Place

Saturday 4/14, 8am-12pm
ACC Church Clean-Up

Sunday 4/15, 11am
Eddie and Ti are getting baptized!
ACC Morrison Hall

Birthdays: Jamie (4/10), Susan (4/15), Faya (4/17), Winston (4/17)

~~
Faya's Notes:

John 7: 15-18: “¹⁵My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. ¹⁶They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. ¹⁷Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. ¹⁸As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world.”

Jesus is praying for the disciples. I see 2 big observations:

1) We’ve been sent into the world the way Jesus was and He doesn’t want us to be taken out of the world.

2) But He makes the point that we are not of it either.

So what’s this mean is that:

1) Am I making an impact? God has us here for a reason otherwise, why didn’t he ask us to be taken out of the world. He wants us here to do something – to have an impact on the world.

2) Am I distinct? While we’re sent into the world, we’re not supposed to look like everyone else – we’re not supposed to conform to the patterns of the world – we’re not of it.

§ 1 John 2:15 “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.”

§ Matthew 28: 19-20- ¹⁹Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in^[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

§ 2 Corinthians 5:20 “²⁰We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God.”

§ 2 Timothy 1:13-14 ¹³What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus. ¹⁴Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you—guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us.

Salt and the Light

Matthew 5:13-16: ¹³"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. ¹⁴"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. ¹⁵Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. ¹⁶In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

1) Is my light hidden? As a light – we don’t share our light – we hide it. Jesus talks about how a light is no good if it’s covered up by a bowl. For us today, I would say that bowl could be the comfort and security of a church fellowship. It can be other things as well, but I think one thing that is common is that we get so wrapped up into being around people like us that we feel at home with, that we neglect what God has called us to.

a. When God called Abraham, He said He would bless Abraham so that he could be a blessing to others. We’ve been blessed – but are we a blessing to others?

b. What are the reasons we don’t share the gospel? All can be boiled down to:

i. We don’t care

ii. We don’t think Hell is real

iii. We don’t think Jesus is the only way

c. So my question to you is where is your opportunity? Are you engaging in it? It could be your co-workers, maybe you’re on a sports team or have a hobby? But what is that area where you have this opportunity?

d. What are the barriers to me sharing my faith? Matthew 9:37 - ³⁷Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.

2) Am I salty? – the second challenge is to keep our saltiness. Otherwise we’re like the salt that loses the favor. What’s distinct – what’s purposeful about that?

a. Being different isn’t always fun

b. Be intentional

c. Beware of temptation

Do I honor God with my actions and words?

Colossians 3:17 - ¹⁷And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

1) Pray – as with anything pray

a. Pray for opportunities and effective words: Col 4: 2-4 - ²Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. ³And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. ⁴Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should.

b. Support - Seek encouragement and support with others in prayer

i. Share with others

ii. Hold each other accountable

c. Pray that the barriers to people’s belief would be removed

2) Act – Col 4: 5-6 continue to say ⁵Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. ⁶Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

a. Commit time to engaging with friends.

i. Meals, coffee – 1x1 interactions give more opportunity

ii. Sports – can be 1x1 or group activity – but drives more interaction; demonstrate godly character during

iii. Community service

iv. Investigative small groups

b. Be intentional in conversation

i. Learn about them

1. Learn what their story is

2. Find out who they are

3. Know what’s going on in their lives

ii. Testimony

iii. FIRE – Family, Interests, Religion, Evangelism

iv. Baits – open ended questions that can naturally lead to spiritual discussion

1. Do you feel fulfilled

2. Do you think people are innately good or evil

v. Hooks – direct questions that have positive or negative response but meant to lead to a specific conversation

1. Do you believe God exists

2. Do you think Jesus died for your sins

vi. Roman road, 4 laws, bridge illustration

Lots of Things

Monday 4/2, 8pm, NCAA Basketball, 7901 Osborne

Friday 4/6, 7:30pm, ACC Good Friday Service, ACC Taylor Hall
Pre-Fellowship Dinner, 6:00-7:15pm: First Chinese BBQ (off of Lamar)
Post-Fellowship Hangout: 7901 Osborne, 78729

Saturday 4/7, 10am-1pm, ACC Basketball Tournament, ACC Taylor Hall

Sunday 4/8, 9:30-11am, Easter Sunday Service, ACC John Sung - Invite your friends!

Message and Fellowship: Friendship

Friday 3/30
6:00-7:15pm Dinner at Which Wich (Parmer)
7:30-9:30pm Message and Fellowship: Friendship (ACC, Wycliffe Portable)
10:00-11:30pm Hang-out at Cheesecake Factory (Arboretum)

Notes on Friendship Talk

• Simon's two passions: discipling men and bringing people out of poverty
• Started a company with the intent of making money to bring people out of poverty (50% of profits)
• Dad focused on being a good provider, but did not have good friends. So after Simon grew up, he didn't have any close friends; loneliness set in, and mid-life crisis.
• Questions:
• Do you like yourself?
• If you don't like yourself, why do you think others are going to?
• How can you invest your life in other people if they flee from you? (Personality conflicts, wanting acceptance, etc.)
• In middle/high school, would give away office supplies (pencils, mostly) to make friends (his father sold office supplies)
• Got tired of dating; wanted the next girl he met to see his character, not his outside. Worked on following God.
• Need to be secure about who you are, let God heal you so you can pour out into others
  
• Is God/Jesus your best friend?
• If something else is our goal in life, it will turn up empty
• Troy Aikman (sp?) went back to his hotel room after winning the Super Bowl and was depressed: "Is this all there is? Is this all it feels like?"
• We all long to have a deep relationship (want to get married so bad, then we want kids, then grandkids, then retirement) - but only God can satisfy
• One of today's biggest problems is materialism - we want it to fill our craving, but it won't satisfy
  
• Do you know how to love?
• Example of a married couple who wouldn't even think about taking off his coat and put it on his chilly wife, because "I'm just not romantic". After he said that, her face looked like she had lost her mother.
• Friendship is all about love
• We often don't know how to love because of past abuse and hurt
• We need to foster a community where there's no fear of being hurt or being judged
  
• If you want to develop godly friendship, learn how to sacrifically serve each other (sacrificial living)
• Gal 5:13 (love neighbor as self, serve one another in love)
  
• Made some congee/jok for a friend when he had an upset stomach. His friend talks about it in every sermon - It's easy to serve when you're comfortable. The true test of love is whether you're willing to sacrifice.
  
• When are you ready to get married? When you know how to serve.
• Recommends living with a roommate if you are single so that you will not just serve yourself. (also good for accountability)
  
• Live authentically; be real
• Shared something with his SG, and it leaked out. Asked his SG leader if he shouldn't share so deeply. His SG leader said that gossipping is not his fault; keep living your life
• "I have good friends because I have been open with them." If you are not open with your friends (or your SG, if you are a leader), they won't be open with you.
• Number your days (Ps 39)
• Recognize that your days are short: make good use of them
• Tries to take opportunities to build relationships during lunch. The only thing that will last is relationships.
• Keep names in mind
• Remember to pray for people. Care for them.
• Ask great questions
• 5 great questions
• How is your walk with God?
• What is God teaching you [since we last met]?
• (Guys) How are you doing in the areas of pornography and lust?
• Have you shared Christ with anyone this week/month?
• How are you honoring God with your money?
• Since money is sort of an indicator of what we want more than God, is also an opportunity to talk about those, too.
• (Ask these after how you're doing, how is your wife, kids, etc.)
• Closing thoughts
• Chuck Swindoll wants 8 good friends. (They'll be the ones carrying his casket.)
• Example of a female friend who got married, asked him to talk to her husband
• Be intentional about your friendships and sacrificing for them. We calculate and plan everything else - why not friendships?
  
• Questions:
• Can a husband/wife be accountable to each other?
• Unsure about that. Many pastors say not to share about your struggles with your wife because they won't understand. It is easier to do it with guys, but girls can understand, although not as deeply. However, your wife needs to be secure with who she is, because their hearts are delicate and it is easy to hurt them.
• Why do guys not have close friends?
• Because guys are activity driven.
• Easier for guys to make friendships? Easier for guys to make quick relationships. Also, girls can be very critical of other girls. (Discussion)
• Guys learn about love from girls? What do girls learn from guys?
• Respect.
• Girls are clueless about how to respect guys because we are a love-driven culture.
• How do you respect a guy?
• Write letters that are respectful. "Dear honey-poo. I miss you so much. ..." <--- This is a loving letter, not a respectful letter. "The thought of you dying for me blows my mind. Respectfully, " Your husband will keep that letter on his bulletin board.
• Sit together with your husband while he's watching TV and don't say anything (side-by-side companionship). Be with him while he is doing something he enjoys (or while he is working).
• Guys want friendship.
• Tell your husband how much you appreciate his work.
• Men are created to work.
• loveandrespect.com has a DVD of the conference.

Worship/Prayer

Friday 3/23
6:00-7:15pm Dinner at Which Wich (Parmer)
7:30-9:30pm Worship and Prayer (ACC, Carey/Lighthouse Building)
10:00-11:30pm Hang-out at Kerbey Lane (183/Spicewood Springs)

Message and Fellowship: Conflict

Friday 3/16
6:00-7:15pm Dinner at TC Noodle House (Lamar)
7:30-9:30pm Speaker: Greg Orr (ACC Wycliffe Portable)
10:00-11:30pm Hang-out at Osborne

Notes:
Proverbs 27:6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

Examples of Conflict from the Bible:
-David and Saul (David's response to Saul wanting to kill him- let God handle it; after all, God anointed Saul)
-David and Samuel (David's response to Samuel's confrontation- repentance)
-David and Absalom (David's response to Absalom's desire to take the throne- ran away b/c God had said previously that the sword would never leave his household and he didn't want it to be more violent than it had to be)
-Jacob and Esau (re: birthright, etc)
-Paul and Peter (re: Gentiles' hypocrisy)
-Peter and Jesus ("Get behind me, Satan")
-Mark/Paul/Barnabas (Mark had abandoned Paul on a previous missionary journey so Paul didn't want to bring him along; Mark's cousin Barnabas wanted to bring Mark along; so the good friends Paul and Barnabas split and went different directions)

God-fearing Christians can have different opinions and even blind spots.

Having to deal with different personalities often shows off God's grace, helps us grow, and rounds each other out (it's not necessarily a spiritual attack or that the other is demon-possessed :P).

If we run away from a problem, God will probably bring it back.

Discussion re: forgiveness versus restoration of trust...

Camping at Inks Lake!

Friday 3/9 - Saturday 3/10
Please email acc.cornerstone@gmail.com for more details.

Panel and Fellowship: Dating/Marriage

Friday 3/2
6:30-7:15pm
Dinner at Extreme Pizza

7:30-9:30pm
Panel on Dating/Marriage
with Walton/Tina Yuen, Tina Tsuei, Ed/Ling Cheng
at the Yuen's House (10737 Quarry Oaks Trail)

Hanging out afterwards at Kerbey Lane (183/Spicewood Springs)

Notes:
Dating and Relationships
March 2, 2007

• Introductions
• Tina Tsuei: met Pastor G. in 1990. Started corresponding later that year through letters for a year. Dated 3 years after moving to MN for grad school
• Walton/Tina Yuen: met in undergrad, started dating seven years later. Became youth counsellors, ended up taking their groups to the same events (accidentally). Started dating right before went to seminary.
• Ed/Ling Cheng: met in fall 1997 in Cornerstone. Started dating Feb 1998. Did a lot of email correspondence (even though were at the same church). Dated for 10-11 months before proposed, engaged for another 10 months.
• Q: What are some female misconceptions of marriage?
• Ling: (from non-Christian dad) You think that your husband will take care of you (like your dad did), but you are going to take care of him as much as he takes of you.
• TinaT: You think that being married to someone spiritually mature it will be easier, but it still takes a lot of work and talking through things.
• TinaT: You think you will be the center of his attention, but men are more compartmentalized and when he's in another compartment, you aren't really there.
• If you come in with the idea that he's always going to be thinking of you, you'll probably be disappointed.
• TinaY: You think that your baggage will be taken care of when you get married, but he comes in with baggage, too.
• Q: Male misconceptions
• Ed: You think that she will take care of all the housework, but that w
• Walton: Thought it would take a lot of work, but was unprepared for the amount of work it actually is. It's not always happy, but there are times of tremendous joy.
• Q: [Lee said women wanted leaders] Do women want a leader?
• TinaT: We often look for rahrah leaders, but should be looking for servant leader. Some guys won't look like leaders, but will be servant leaders.
• It's not necessarily how much Bible he knows, but how committed he is to acting with Biblical character.
• Ling: Someone who will lead your family, not necessarily a CEO style leader. Takes into consideration your opinions. Someone I can respect.
• Marilyn: How do you find someone like that?
• Ling: Look at the fruit in his life
• Tina: Remember that no man is perfect, and you can't be disappointed when you find out that he isn't later on
• Tina: Someone who loves the Lord that I can submit to. Took initiative on memorizing scripture together, reading books, seeking God's will.
• Ed: Always felt wasn't a leader, because thought it was a CEO, take-charge guy. But came to realize that you can lead by gathering opinons first.
• Walton: Ultimately a leader is someone who takes responsibility, not necessarily someone who takes charge. Do they take responsibility for their failures?
• Q: What does "respect" mean to a guy, and what things to girls do that come across as disrespect
• Ed: Respect is the feeling that your wife is always cheering for you. Praises you when you do something well, particularly if she praises someone else.
• Walton: There are ways of disagreeing that show more respect--disagreeing privately instead of in a crowd shows more respect
• Tina: Decided before they were married to not put each other down in public or laugh at the other person's expense, and it has been important
• Q: How can I as a female show respect to a guy without giving him the wrong impression (i.e. romantically interested)
• [hmm...]
• TinaY: talk to them like your brother
• Ling: if someone's in trouble, show concern, but have another guy talk to them
• TinaY/Ling: don't talk alone, don't talk late at night
• Q: Lee said women want love and affirmation; what does that look like?
• Ling: Words of affirmation. Shows appreciation in what I do, large or small
• TinaT: Showing appreciation. Being willing to put my needs before his and help out.
• TinaY: Taking time to be romantic. Offering to help when I'm tired. Know the other person's love language ("how can I fill your love tank today?").
• All three started off by
• Q: How can guys show love and affirmation without sending the wrong impression?
• Tina: faith is contrasted with fear in the Bible. Don't not do something out of fear that it will be taken the wrong way; just deal with that if it happens.
• Ling: And it might lead to a romantic relationship, and that might be a good thing!
• Walton: Loving people is hard; it's always easier to not love.
• Q: "You should not have deep relationships with the opposite gender once your married." Agree or disagree?
• TinaY: It's ok to have a deep relationship as a couple
• TinaT: If the relationship is starting to look at all like a dating/married relationship it is unwise. But God didn't prohibit it, so we should blanket rule it out."
• Q: How can you be satisfied with God as a single person?
• Ling: You can be lonely in a marriage. If you're looking for the other person to fill you, you're getting married for the wrong reason.
• Ed: if God intended for you to be married, you'll probably always feel that way
• TinaT: If you're older and not married or married and want kids, it's hard because in addition to loneliness there is the loneliness of your peers having moved on. But if you press into God during hard times, He will reveal Himself to you.
• Q: What is God's intention for marriage?
• Walton: Oneness, in many areas. Once you've been married for a while it's easy to just maintain the status quo, instead of moving towards oneness in spirit. If you're not moving towards oneness, you're drifting away.
• Also, learn how to love another person like He loves us.
• Marilyn: umm, what does "oneness" mean again?
• Oneness of purpose. Companionship. Sharing the deep parts of you. Oneness of legacy--your impact can be more than the sum of the parts.
• Q: So what's the purpose of dating?
• Ed: Defines "dating" as exclusivity. Without exclusivity, you cannot share as deeply. Dating is about growing in sharing deeply.
• Ling: Dating is getting ready for marriage. Dating is when you've found a good candidate for marriage.
• Ed: Non-courtship dating is just to get to know the other person better.
• TinaY: It's good to be a friend before you start dating--they'll see both side of you when your married.
• Q: Advice on what guys could do to improve themselves?
• Andy: Show that you value what gals are thinking. Become a student of them; be curious and show that you value it.
• If you are naturally quiet, ask question to bring them out
• If you tend to dominate conversations, helps to consider them more important than you.
• Find out what they value and start valuing it yourself.
• Q: How do you learn to love each other more?
• Ling: Liked just hanging out together every Friday
• TinaT: It's not good if guys and girls are always hanging out with each other.
• Ling: With email, if you don't want to send the wrong impression, CC: somebody.
• Ed: Camping trips and group events are important for building deeper friendships (not just romantically)
• Q: One thing you wish someone told you before you were married / what is the biggest mistake you made
• TinaT: We tend to live single when we are single. It's easier to be self-absorbed when you live alone, which is the opposite of what you need to do when you are married.
• Ed: Communication is key. Women tend to want the man to just know; guys are fine with just being asked. Women need to be able to give gentle reminders, men need to learn what women want.
• TinaT: Women tend to think it isn't romantic if they have to tell the guy what they want, but guys don't think the same way.
• Walton: When you find out something they appreciate, build it into your marriage. Ex. If she likes flowers, maybe keep a flower pot always full.
• Marilyn: Learn to express your feelings.

BONUS Questions (not answered during the panel):

If a guy is interested in a gal, how should he go about pursuing her? (more than just praying, initiating..) Are there any misconceptions that women have about how a guy should be pursuing?

Tina T- I don't have much input on this one, but I really liked Andy's answer, when he encouraged guys to be a student of the one in whom they're interested. Even in group settings, a guy can show genuine interest in a gal by asking good questions and listening intently to her answers. I don't know if this falls into the category of misconceptions, but one exhortation I would have for people in the dating or "interested in dating" stage is this: Have integrity. By that I mean, make sure you're presenting a true picture of who you are. Of course romance can lead us to do things we don't normally do, but strive to be yourself. That way the other person gets to know "the real you" instead of just the person you think (s)he wants you to be.

Walton- Practically speaking, it helps to remember that this whole dating process is far more than merely finding a compatible partner who gets along with you easily. Marriage is going to be more challenging than you think, and you can’t simply rely on the idea that you thought you two got along pretty well at some point. Marriage is meant to be a joyful experience and it also is meant to be a way for God to stretch our faith and capacity to love. A very key idea is to grasp where God is leading you, or at least what He seems to be developing in you. It’s not mystical; you can examine your past experiences and how God has designed you so far, and you can get a sense of His leading so far. What’s the big deal about this? Well, your sense of God’s leading is going to factor significantly into how your relationship develops. The bottom line is to desire to honor God above all else before and as you enter into this relationship. Okay, let’s say you sense God’s leading you into this relationship, what next? The ways to pursue next are as varied as there are individuals, but the common thread is to ask, “How can I move ahead by faith and desiring to honor God first?” Moving ahead by faith is not blind bravado. It’s a genuine trust that God will open the doors in His timing as you take that step. No demands. It can be as simple as approaching this woman you’ve gotten to know as a friend and having an honest conversation at a coffee shop about what encourages you about her and seeing if the relationship could go deeper. It only seems weird if there is NO relationship present.

- If a gal is interested in a guy (who may be oblivious, but not necessarily closed to the idea), what should she do? Are there any misconceptions that men have about a women's role in this situation?

Tina T- One of the biggest lessons I've had to learn (and am still learning), is to let go and let God be in control. It's hard to wait on God; in my natural state I'd rather just take matters into my own hands. But I've learned that I make a royal mess of things when I plow ahead to make sure that what I want to happen happens. In marriage in particular, this tendency for the wife to want to control things causes trouble. I think the curse in Genesis 3 foreshadows this struggle between the husband and wife for control in the relationship, and Paul's exhortations in Ephesians are relevant as well.

Because of my perspective, I am of the opinion that it's best for a gal who is interested in a guy to pray and ask God to act. I believe wholeheartedly that He can move mountains, and He can move oblivious guys to awareness and action. It is SO good for a woman to learn to pray and wait on God, and to learn to be open to an answer that's different from what she expects.

I'd balance my strong opinion with an acknowledgement that the Bible doesn't say anything about dating at all, and so I could see how other people might have different opinions.

Walton- Ladies interested in a particular guy: Hmm, the bottom line is the same of desiring to honor Christ first in this relationship. Is the practical question here how much initiative they should take if they like somebody? Certainly the guy should – if there’s mutual attraction – take initiative to take the relationship to another level. But what if the guy is godly but clueless? Or just kind of shy? What then? The Bible doesn’t give hard and fast rules on how women can drop the hint “biblically.” But one thing that matters to a lot of guys after they’re married is that the wife does take an interest in the things that stir their heart, whether as profound as plight of the homeless in America or as light-hearted as his favorite sport. So, it certainly doesn’t hurt to be open to learning about and engaging in the topics that interest the guy. Just a suggestion...

- How should a girl act in a dating relationship? More specifically, in the Bible women are taught to be submissive. So how do women balance that with not letting guys step all over them? Also, since men are the ones who are supposed to be leading the relationship, how can women be sure to guard their hearts at the appropriate level?

Tina T- The premise of the question seems to assume that submission means letting people walk on you. I think submission means choosing to respect and support someone in authority over you. Gals aren't collectively under the authority of guys; wives are under the authority of husbands, children under parents, etc. So, girls shouldn't let guys step all over them. A gal in a committed dating relationship should be seriously considering the question of whether she can see herself submitting to the authority and leadership of her potential future husband. Does he make wise choices? Does he ask her opinion and value it? Does he seek God's guidance and the wise counsel of other advisers? Does she think she can follow him?

- What are good principles or practices for developing strong communication in a relationship?

Tina T- Some random ideas: Spend a lot of time talking and listening to each other. Practice summarizing what you think you hear the other person saying, so you know if you're listening well or not. Figure out your peak times during the day/week, and set aside at least part of those times for communication, especially about weightier topics. There are some great books out there to spark communication about topics you might not normally think of. Persevere when communication gets tough. It's easy to say, "Oh, forget it" and drop the subject, but if you can push through it, you can really get somewhere. Definitely try to avoid a "me against you" mentality, even when you're having a disagreement. It's not about winning an argument, it's about building up the relationship between you. If things are getting heated, take a 5 minute break and then come back at it. Prayer is really key. (This isn't just trite.) If you pray together regularly, you're humbling yourselves together, and God will respond.

Walton- Wow. Could take a long time on this one, but I’ll just give one big emphasis. Philippians 2 talks about putting the interests of others before yourself. That’s a crucial principle to hold onto. When I’ve gotten into arguments — I mean, misunderstandings -- with my wife, you can’t just focus on how to win the argument. You can’t dwell on how you feel hurt. That’s putting your interests first. Putting the other first may mean going back and trying to listen carefully again to what she really means. It may mean doing something that shows you still love her unconditionally. I could spend hours talking about technical strategies for communication, but the true blockage for a lot of communication is focusing on one’s wounded heart. When we do that, we can’t forgive. We can’t hold onto hope. We can’t talk or trust or really listen. Only when we can by God’s grace look at the other person with God’s eyes and seek their best interest can be start to talk once more.

- What is the one thing you wish someone had told you when you were single? (What are the biggest mistakes that you believe singles make?)

Walton- Hmm, I guess what I would say is twofold: 1) Make sure that person you marry is hopelessly in love with God and seeking after His heart. Going to church isn’t enough. Serving in some ministry isn’t enough. Even being a visible leader isn’t enough. Conversely, that person doesn’t have to be flawless. King David messed up a whole lot of times, but in the end his heart was always in pursuit of God. Look for this quality above all others. 2) Don’t go into this relationship thinking “Just the two of us.” The Body of Christ is meant to be there to give strength to one another, and couples today definitely need other couples. We are made for community... Even after we get married.

Volunteering with Annie's Small Group!

Saturday 2/24
10am-12pm Making Salvation Army Care Packages, ACC Wycliffe Portable

Message and Fellowship: Dating/Marriage

Friday 2/16
6:30-7:15pm Dinner at Pho Saigon
7:30-9:30pm Speaker: Lee McMullin at ACC Portable

• Shared some of his struggles before he got married.
• Part of his problem was that he thought that confessing to God was enough. It wasn't.
• Says, if you can think of it, I did it. Mentioned was having an adulterous affair, while at the same time leading Sunday School. He was bothered, sometimes, that this wasn't right, but did not have the power to change
• His major theme was you can't do it alone. You need the body of Christ.
• Q1: What illusions do signles have of marriage
• Marriage is happy
• Andy Lee: marriage is easy
• Often what happens is that the woman isn't getting what she wants, so she gets upset at the guy. He shuts down. Since she still isn't getting what she wants, she feels like she needs to ratchet up the level, so the guy shuts down even further...
• The average person in the U.S. had 20 friends in 1960, has 3 in 200x.
• We are generally married to our one close friend, but we expect him/her to satisfy all our needs that we normally would have had 20 people for.
• You need the body of Christ.
• Can't have deep friends of the opposite sex after you are married. You just can't.
• Q2: What are we (singles) doing to unprepare ourselves for marriage?
• 1 Cor 7:9. It is Lee's opinion that waiting until your bank account tells you that you are ready to be married is setting yourself up for moral failure sexually.
• Getting in a rut with regards to personal and relational development [unprepares us]
• It is important to realize that men and women are different, and that this is good.
• Q3: What do men and women want?
• Men want respect. Women want daily affirmation of specialness.
• Men's idea of marriage: doing something together. Women's idea of marriage: talking over a cup of coffee; verbal intimacy.
• Q4: What should I be expecting
• Be hard-headed and soft-hearted
• Q5: How should I be preparing myself?
• Debbie: cultivate the qualities you want to see in your spouse
• Jamie: "When I stopped looking, she [Debbie] showed up"
• Andy: get someone to expose your blind spots. Don't be satisfied with who you are. Women want to be always learning something about the other person. Men tend to settle and be comfortable.
• Lee: men want to do it themselves, be independent. Women want to nurture and so the guy feels like she is mothering him.
• Lee: the most important thing is to develop yourself through good relationships with other believers.
• Some ways men and women are different
• Persistent problems
• Women: nagging
• Men: leadership. Guys tend to fall down here, and women really want leadership.
• Men draw value from from accomplishments.
• Men watch "Saving Private Ryan" and ask "could I do that?" Women watch it and see a bunch of violence.
• Men communicate information when they talk; women communicate relationship.
• Dating/engaged couples need to start connecting with married people. You see that other women are annoying in the same way that yours is; some of her problems aren't because of her, they are because that's the way women are.
• Being in community with other couples [who are sharing their difficulties] is far more important than therapy.
• Things to talk about before marriage
• Kids. Do you want them, how many, etc.
• Career goals. (One thing this affects might be whether he/she really want kids; they might think they do, but if their career is really first, you might find out they don't. Or vice-versa)
• Where to live
• Ex. Lee's wife said she was ok with moving away from Hawaii, but it turns out that her heart is really still there. So while she intellectually thinks that the mainland is the best place, emotionally she still is upset that she isn't in Hawaii
• If you live where your wife lives it gives her power: he has to accomodate her friends, family, etc.
• [My thought: perhaps this is why the Bible says that the wife will leave her family and cleave to her husband]
• Never move in with her parents, because their house is her home territory and you will be undermined.
• Good books:
• Deborah Tannen, You Just Don't Understand. (About male/female conversations)
• John Gray, Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus.
• Josh Harris, Not Even a Hint. (Sexual purity, for guys)
• Emerson Eggerich, Love and Respect. (Primarily for women, I think)
• Gary Chapman, Five Languages of Love.
• Arterburn and Stoeker, Every Man's Battle.
• [Geoff: their other books, Every Man's Marriage, and Every Woman's Marriage say much of what Lee said]
• Bible passages: look to see how we are to treat each other
• John 13:34
• Romans 12:20, 16, 14:13, 15:7, 7
• On 12:10, "...Honor one another above yourselves", Lee's comment was a categorical "women don't do this well"
• 1 Corinthians 1:10
• Galatians 5:13
• Ephesians 4:22, 32, 5:19-21
• Colossians 3:13-16
• 1 Thessalonians 5:11
• Hebrews 3:13
• James 4:11
• 1 Peter 1:22, 3:8, 4:9, 5:5
• 1 John 1:7

Dinner and Music

Saturday 2/10
6:30-9:00pm Dinner at Habana, 709 E 6th Street
9:30pm Music at Progress Coffee, 500 San Gabriel Street

www.myspace.com/irisleu

Break this week!

We're not meeting this week, but take some time to Live as God Intended..
- go take a personal retreat Friday night and spend some alone time with God, or
- build up some community by getting a group of friends together to hang out, or
- be an ambassador by helping out somewhere in the community or by hanging out with some co-workers/friends who might be interested in spiritual things.

The possibilities are endless :)

Message and Fellowship: Who Am I?

Friday 1/19
6:00-7:15pm Dinner at Fresh Choice Arboretum with Pastor Enzo (for those interested in Bolivia)
6:30-7:15pm Dinner at Quizno's I-35/Braker
7:30-9:30pm Speaker: Kyle Miller at ACC Carey (Lighthouse) Building
10:00-11:30pm Hang-out at Wei's place!

Missions and a Heart for the Lost

Friday 1/19
6:30-7:30pm Dinner, Schlotzsky's (I-35/Parmer)
7:30-9:30pm Missions and a Heart for the Lost, ACC Wycliffe Portable
9:30-11:30pm Hot Chocolate, S'mores, and Karaoke Revolution, Andy's Place

Don't forget to wish Marian and AndyWong a Happy Birthday!

Life Journal Link: www.enewhope.org/bible

Making the Portable Look Nice

Friday 1/12
7:30-9:30pm
ACC Carey (Lighthouse) Building

Don't forget to wish Eddie and Moses a Happy Birthday!

Life Journal Link: www.enewhope.org/bible

Praying for Cornerstone

Friday 1/5
7:30-9:30pm
ACC Wycliffe Portable

Upcoming Events

1/5/2007 Praying for Cornerstone

1/12/2007 Making the Wycliffe Portable Look Nice

1/19/2007 Message and Fellowship: Missions (Richard Wong, ACC)

1/26/2007 Message and Fellowship: Who am I? (Kyle Miller, Great Hills)

2/2/2007 Break

2/9/2007 Food Social (Troy's Small Group)

2/16/2007 Message and Fellowship: Marriage/Dating (Lee/Rowena McMullin, ACC)

2/23/2007 Community Service (Annie's Small Group)

Family Relationships

Message and Fellowship: Family Relationships
Friday 12/15
7:30-9:30pm
ACC Wyclife Portable

Christmas Prep Party

Friday 12/8
7:30-9:30pm
ACC Carey Building