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The Five Love Languages
Pastor Gaylord
There’s also “The Five Love Languages for Singles”!
My Big Fat Greek Wedding clip
-aunt shows the boyfriend love through food – but he’s a vegetarian.. so she decides to cook him lamb
If you don’t understand someone’s love language, they may not be able to experience your love.
Without love, life can become exceedingly bleak.
Most singles understand more about computers than about love because they’ve spent more time studying computers. (paraphrased quotation from The Five Love Languages for Singles by Gary Chapman)
I John 4:7-11
Let us love one another, love is from God… God is love… sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins… (people see God through us).
We all have a mother tongue.
Can learn different dialects of Chinese – saying something in one dialect can be misinterpreted in another dialect. Can’t be understood.
Nice in a foreign country to hear someone speaking your mother tongue.
The main point isn’t to figure out our own love language so people can love us better. We need to figure out how to love others.
Our families’ way of loving (or not loving) has shaped us immensely – but by God’s grace, we can still grow in this area.
The Five Love Languages
- Words of Affirmation (appreciation, encouragement, call attention to progress, acknowledge person’s perspective, may seem like just a passing statement to you, can help person overcome insecurities)
- Gifts (doesn’t have to be expensive/bought/regular, challenging for some who like to save money, e.g. this is Tina’s dad’s love language)
- Acts of Service (done out of love not obligation, Jesus washing disciples’ feet, e.g. PG’s mom came to help after Silas’ birth but misinterpreted, communication was needed to clarify)
- Quality Time (more than mere proximity, focus all energy on friend/spouse, e.g. this is Tina’s love language, she likes word games so PG can show love by playing Text Twist with her)
- Physical Touch (Peylin’s favorite! :P, important to show love/appreciation in Bolivia, just because you didn’t grow up with affectionate parents it doesn’t mean you don’t yearn for it now – or don’t need it now, there are appropriate ways of showing this form of love with guys/girls)
-many dialects of each of these
Even if these don’t come naturally, you can learn – need to be intentional about learning and putting them into practice.
Discovering Your Primary Love Language (75% of people give love the same way they receive it)
- Observe your own behavior (what do you say to people, what do you do naturally, ask someone else to observe)
- Observe what you request of others (“I haven’t had a good hug in 2 weeks”, “They always criticize me. I wish they would just acknowledge something I did right”, “I have this project – can you help me with it?”)
- Listen to your complaints (what gets you really upset, similar to above)
If you want to see change happen for people, love them in their language.
Friendships either grow or decline – to strengthen your friendship, apply these love languages.
Singles in service.
To figure out your ministry, what is your natural way of receiving love? Use it in service. If your love language is quality time, figure out how you can spend quality time with people around you. Ask God to show you people’s love languages so you can be Christ to them – like co-workers. Speak love to special friends – single moms, special needs children, etc.
Don’t force your love language on someone else. Take the time to figure out their language.
Questions/Comments
Andy: It helps to know how others communicate love even if it’s not your primary mode – so that way you can mentally understand and appreciate it.
Wei: Question/clarification about singles in service. (Sorry, I didn’t get the answer :P)
Peylin: Blessing in the workplace. How can you tell what your co-workers’ love languages are? Pray, ask God to show you. Observe their actions in meetings, their responses to the boss’ words, how they step up to help.
Cornerstoners’ Love Languages :)
Words of Affirmation (for these people, it may be tough to hear words of criticism)
Eddie C
Andy L
Marilyn L
Faya P
Pastor Gaylord
Quality Time
Chris W
Tim K
Judith C
Priscilla H
Peylin F
Geoff P
Fred H
Winston W
Acts of Service
Moses C
Johnson C
Physical Touch
Ricky T
Wei L
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