Message and Fellowship: Support System

Friday 6/15
7:30-9:30pm
Ricky and Sharon's House
12517 Sir Christophers Cove

Support Systems - A Healing Community
June 15, 2007

in the mid-19th century, the world "individualism" didn't even exist (The Connecting Church)

1. Why do we need a support system?

Hillary Clinton - it takes a village

BRAINSTORM
-to provide accountability
-in case we fall or have hard times (encourage)
-to provide different perspectives, shared experiences
-take care of menial tasks (provide meal, etc so someone can focus on more important)
-handhold through the fog

Band of Brothers - interviews with actual men
-when the fighting was the worst, it was the guy next to him in the hole who helped him make the sacrifice, take that chance - his brothers, would give his life so they would live
-something about being involved in a crisis, have to rely on the people around you

Examples of people in the Bible who stood by one another during the hard times, during the fearful times, during times of uncertainty. But also through times of victory and exultation.

BRAINSTORM
-David and Jonathan
-Moses and Aaron (Moses had to keep arms up in order for the Israelites to win the battle, Aaron had to help him-Exodus 17:8-15; both Moses and Aaron had to go together to talk with Pharaoh, Aaron provided stability and comfort)


2. What does it look like?

We all have an instinctive, visceral understanding of what a support system looks like.

-created for community, people to love and love us in return

Matthew 7:12 "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."

-there are certain things we desire in our friendships, our friends desire the same thing from us
-have to unlearn certain things about how to have healthy friendships

What are you looking for when you are in need?

BRAINSTORM
-to be listened to
-a massage (Sean :P)
-someone to help with the little things (like food)
-to be understood (try to understand), not playing devil's advocate, to be your ally (there's a time for speaking truth.. but maybe later)
-someone genuine who truly wants to be there, not rushed; not because they have to
-like Job's friends, there for him, dust on heads
-trust, lack of judgment, know you won't be thought of differently, won't tell someone else, safe
-will carry that burden for you for a while, come alongside for a time, share burden

Andy's Brainstorms:
- listens
- understands (or tries to)
- doesn't judge (unlike Job's friends)
- can offer healing (in many different forms, come away refreshed)
- someone to pray with you
- points you to our Hope
- gives perspective
- loves you, accepts you, won't turn on you


3. How does it happen:

How to develop a support system?
develop = grows over time

BRAINSTORM
-find people you can trust (hard to build, easy to trust)
-find people with similar occupation, life stage, experience - easier to empathize
-have to sacrifice, become vulnerable, leap of faith (goes hand in hand with trust)
-develop closer relationship, can't just stay at surface level, won't dump on someone you don't know, don't have a deeper relationship with; be intentional, take time, be flexible, be willing to experience things with people
-be approachable (drop the shield, force field), be available
-leaders model more public vulnerability
-be willing to ask for help

Andy's Brainstorms
- not avoid crisis or pain (hard to feel need for this kind of support system until in a time of crisis, crisis draws people together; used to think life was meant to be without hardships; now believes that pain is inevitable, draws us closer to God and to each other; Andy's sharing about personal crisis, able to build deep friendships with Wed night prayer meeting)
- willingness to be vulnerable
- acknowledge your brokenness & sinfulness
- willingness to give as well as receive (understand it's a 2-way street; like Walton who came 2x/week to be with, pray with Andy)
- be involved with people (don't know you need them until you really do)
- takes steps to deepen your relationships


How to be a part of one?

BRAINSTORM
-know what your gifts are and actively try to bless people with them; know "gifts" of experience, give out of them
-showing up, being there, 100% success requires showing up
-join an already established group, or form your own - group of similar needs; be vulnerable about your experiences, pains

Andy's Brainstorms
- love, love, love (only way for a person to move out of themselves and really touch another person's life)
- no ulterior motives (do we really love people w/ no strings attached?)
- get to know each other (how do you know what to say, when to you know to say it - no secret, no formula; won't know w/ blank slate, no context; with context, relationship plus Spirit's leading, will know; won't always say the right thing - but will know it's grounded in love)
- be a part of one another's lives
- volunteer your life (took a lot of guts for P-Walton to ask if Andy would get together; Andy could've said no)
- take the initiative (e.g. Pastor Walton)
- work on personal wholeness (two ticks and no dog- don't want to suck the life out of each other, no life source -> co-dependent; our "dog" is God, our life source; else just spiral down together)


**Are we available to love and make a difference?

Community, Fellowship = place to make a difference

- to heal the broken
- to bring hope to the hopeless
- to show grace to those in need

have to want to love


Discussion Questions:
Do you have a support system? If so, who comprises that group?

What do you struggle with the most in developing that community?

How can you improve in being a part of that community for someone else?