6:00-7:15pm Dinner at Which Wich (Parmer)
7:30-9:30pm Message and Fellowship: Friendship (ACC, Wycliffe Portable)
10:00-11:30pm Hang-out at Cheesecake Factory (Arboretum)
Notes on Friendship Talk
- Simon's two passions: discipling men and bringing people out of poverty
- Started a company with the intent of making money to bring people out of poverty (50% of profits)
- Dad focused on being a good provider, but did not have good friends. So after Simon grew up, he didn't have any close friends; loneliness set in, and mid-life crisis.
- Questions:
- Do you like yourself?
- If you don't like yourself, why do you think others are going to?
- How can you invest your life in other people if they flee from you? (Personality conflicts, wanting acceptance, etc.)
- In middle/high school, would give away office supplies (pencils, mostly) to make friends (his father sold office supplies)
- Got tired of dating; wanted the next girl he met to see his character, not his outside. Worked on following God.
- Need to be secure about who you are, let God heal you so you can pour out into others
- Is God/Jesus your best friend?
- If something else is our goal in life, it will turn up empty
- Troy Aikman (sp?) went back to his hotel room after winning the Super Bowl and was depressed: "Is this all there is? Is this all it feels like?"
- We all long to have a deep relationship (want to get married so bad, then we want kids, then grandkids, then retirement) - but only God can satisfy
- One of today's biggest problems is materialism - we want it to fill our craving, but it won't satisfy
- Do you know how to love?
- Example of a married couple who wouldn't even think about taking off his coat and put it on his chilly wife, because "I'm just not romantic". After he said that, her face looked like she had lost her mother.
- Friendship is all about love
- We often don't know how to love because of past abuse and hurt
- We need to foster a community where there's no fear of being hurt or being judged
- If you want to develop godly friendship, learn how to sacrifically serve each other (sacrificial living)
- Gal 5:13 (love neighbor as self, serve one another in love)
- Made some congee/jok for a friend when he had an upset stomach. His friend talks about it in every sermon - It's easy to serve when you're comfortable. The true test of love is whether you're willing to sacrifice.
- When are you ready to get married? When you know how to serve.
- Recommends living with a roommate if you are single so that you will not just serve yourself. (also good for accountability)
- Live authentically; be real
- Shared something with his SG, and it leaked out. Asked his SG leader if he shouldn't share so deeply. His SG leader said that gossipping is not his fault; keep living your life
- "I have good friends because I have been open with them." If you are not open with your friends (or your SG, if you are a leader), they won't be open with you.
- Number your days (Ps 39)
- Recognize that your days are short: make good use of them
- Tries to take opportunities to build relationships during lunch. The only thing that will last is relationships.
- Keep names in mind
- Remember to pray for people. Care for them.
- Ask great questions
- 5 great questions
- How is your walk with God?
- What is God teaching you [since we last met]?
- (Guys) How are you doing in the areas of pornography and lust?
- Have you shared Christ with anyone this week/month?
- How are you honoring God with your money?
- Since money is sort of an indicator of what we want more than God, is also an opportunity to talk about those, too.
- (Ask these after how you're doing, how is your wife, kids, etc.)
- Closing thoughts
- Chuck Swindoll wants 8 good friends. (They'll be the ones carrying his casket.)
- Example of a female friend who got married, asked him to talk to her husband
- Be intentional about your friendships and sacrificing for them. We calculate and plan everything else - why not friendships?
- Questions:
- Can a husband/wife be accountable to each other?
- Unsure about that. Many pastors say not to share about your struggles with your wife because they won't understand. It is easier to do it with guys, but girls can understand, although not as deeply. However, your wife needs to be secure with who she is, because their hearts are delicate and it is easy to hurt them.
- Why do guys not have close friends?
- Because guys are activity driven.
- Easier for guys to make friendships? Easier for guys to make quick relationships. Also, girls can be very critical of other girls. (Discussion)
- Guys learn about love from girls? What do girls learn from guys?
- Respect.
- Girls are clueless about how to respect guys because we are a love-driven culture.
- How do you respect a guy?
- Write letters that are respectful. "Dear honey-poo. I miss you so much. ..." <--- This is a loving letter, not a respectful letter. "The thought of you dying for me blows my mind. Respectfully,
" Your husband will keep that letter on his bulletin board. - Sit together with your husband while he's watching TV and don't say anything (side-by-side companionship). Be with him while he is doing something he enjoys (or while he is working).
- Guys want friendship.
- Tell your husband how much you appreciate his work.
- Men are created to work.
- loveandrespect.com has a DVD of the conference.
